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Just say no to Circles!
Here I thought last week's testimony from Chad's first Circle member was the utter nadir of depravity, but I was sorely mistaken. As sorely as the silver-dollar-sized ischemic ulcer rubbing against the inside of my left wingtip. But this blog is not about my pending suit against the so-called "comfort" shoe industry, "Friends," it's about My Circle's threat to decent, hard-working Americans, and today's shocking court testimony illuminated that threat to even the most dull-witted channel-surfer like a 10-ft., neon "ALL-U-CAN-EAT" sign.
Now, I'm sure some of you out there are aware of my stance on illicit substances, if you've at all been following my case to criminalize B6 (widely regarded as a "gateway" vitamin), so you can well imagine my horror at Mr. Trench's tale. My attorney had warned me beforehand that it wouldn't be pretty, but even the extra spoonful of nerve tonic I took with my bowl of prune bran this morning didn't prepare me for what I actually heard in court today. And for Mr. Trench to jump out of the dependency frying pan right into the stereo-singalong fire like that…tsk, tsk. It's sad, really. I'm sorry, folks, but Pythagoras was wrong--Circles are just no darned good to anyone.
I just thank the Founding Fathers' ghosts that His Honor had the common decency to seal the karaoke tape from public disclosure, as unleashing that kind of atrocity would be a crime against humanity indeed. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to hold a candlelight vigil for the souls of the non-hearing-impaired people who were in that courtroom today…until next week, keep fighting the good fight, people!